My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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