I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
