i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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