direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
