Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
