"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
time to smoke my breakfast
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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