Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
