is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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