New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
