Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize