Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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