He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize