Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
