You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
