That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
