Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
