You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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