The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
