Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
