this just has baby written all over it
it's like iHOP with fire
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
