the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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