Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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