I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
