What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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