Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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