Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
