I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
honey bunches of taint.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize