Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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