he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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