Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
