I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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