I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
