so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize