the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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