Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
