Got a toothbrush?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
