You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
