There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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