Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
