I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
