My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize