you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
