I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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