He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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