chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Even my vagina gasped.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
