we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
