census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
