Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize