so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize