farters have to be the big spoon...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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