1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
