It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
