so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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