Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
These tits shall not be calmed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
