Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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