how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
