why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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