Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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