Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize