She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
