Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
