He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
