Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
