I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
