Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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