what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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