turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
