Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
