Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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