theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
