There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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