I'm really into asian looking animals
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
smell my finger.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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