Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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