Fuck appropriateness.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
