the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
