the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
