You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
