I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
