u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
