I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
