It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
