fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
