I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
