just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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