Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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