my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
