we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
