seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
