My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
