this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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