I didn't shave. On purpose
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize