That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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