Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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