My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
