I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
