Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
