He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
