did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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