Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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