She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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