my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
