You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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