she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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