You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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