Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
