I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
